Hall Of Shame

Alf Stewart Quotes to live by

Just remember these wise quotes and you will go far in life. In a situation when you want to impress, even quote the great man and say flamin' before every noun and you are sure to be successful.

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This is how to ensure a successful conversation by using Alf quotes and sayings.

"I don't know what's gone wrong with the world Ails

Use this one when as an opener to make conversation. You may want to drop the Ails part though.

"A man is not a flamin' doormat

Remember this when dealing with shelias, and in conversation drop this beauty whenever you feel the focus is gone. Your wisdom will be sure to amaze.

"The only good thing coming out of the city is the road to this place"

Comment on the city by using this gem

"If I didn't have a dicky ticker I would have whacked him one"

An excuse when in a fighting situation

"They come in here with their flamin' baseball caps on backwards, just looking for trouble."

use this one to make your stance on young hoons clear.

"You give them a clubhouse and all the new fangledang equipment and this is how they flamin' repay ya"(pointing to graffiti)

When talking to someone about the youth of today and about grafitti.

"You flamin' refugee from a hippy commune."

Alf used this one on young Joey but be sure only to use when angry (and when talking to a refugee froma hippy commune)

"I'll tan his backside"

Again a risky one but one that will be effective in dealing with young hoons.

"Hogans Ghost" or "You're kiddin"

When registering shock use this one, however for extreme shock pull out all the stops and use the next beauty.

ALSO

your listener(s) will want to know you are cultured so pepper your conversation with the following terms,

Flamin'-The most important one, i cannot stress how important this one is regularly.

Young hoons, coots or yahoos- Use this to describe anyone under twenty.e.g Flamin' yahoos from the city come in and smash the place up.

Yarn- that's what you say in closing.e.g "It's been great having a yarn with you.

Mongrel-That's what people are with whom you don't get along with. e.g That flamin' mongrel

AND FINALLY.

The most important phrase you can ever, ever utter

"Stone the flamin' crows"

The grand royale of the package this one is sure to turn a dull moment into a winner. Use it very rarely to maintain the effectiveness and make sure you bellow it out loud.STONE THE FLAMIN' CROWS

-Nathan Jolly

Prof. in Alf linguistics or Alfism